Model Recall

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

As I stumbled out of the theater after a 150-minute cinematic bludgeoning at the hands of director Michael Bay, 30-foot robots and a leering, incoherent plot, I wondered to myself how a movie with so much money/popularity at stake could be so poorly executed. What went wrong? Why was it so long, so thoughtless, so…bad?

“Because it’s just. So. Stupid!” my fellow moviegoer exclaimed. A more accurate description there never was.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is nothing short of a big, loud, dumb disaster. You might wonder what I expected it to be. As a fan of the original, I thought I knew exactly what it would be – big, loud, dumb fun. Reckless and childlike, 2007’s Transformers was fueled by a youthful quest for simplistic imaginative fun, specifically in the form of talking, transforming robots, big action, playful banter and pretty girls. It nailed all those things, and it did so with unchecked exuberance.

Transformers 2 is what happens when that imagination remains unchecked, by reality, by growth, by boredom. What went wrong in the sequel? Maybe we should start with what didn’t.

The robot vs. robot action is better. Much better. America’s boy Shia LaBeouf is still likeable, if not any more grown up. And the girls are still pretty – Megan Fox is back, and Bay’s looking to start a similar sensation with new girl Isabel Lucas. And the visuals/sound are top of the line.

Everything else though…not so much. Whereas story logic was an acceptable causality in the first flick, the overcomplicated story here forces it front and center. The story itself is clumsy, manipulative and generally uninspired – props, settings, even characters appear and disappear whenever it’s necessary for them to. And the “twists” are just lazy reruns of better ideas. Everything from Terminator to Thundercats is ripped off here, not just in story event but in overall concept. It’s as if Bay and his writing team of Ehren Kruger and Roberto Orci (the latter so far removed from the splendor of Star Trek) simply ran out of ideas, so they threw a bunch of crap at a canvas and called it entertainment. The story in Transformers 2 is all splatter paint and papier-mâché, and it’s made for an ugly collage.

So it’s no surprise we don’t care about any of it. Why should we – Bay never needed us to care. He just wants us to ooh and ah at his fireworks, laugh at his passing characters and their passing remarks and leave wowed by the experience of it all. The problem is, we don’t. Sure, kids might enjoy this. But anybody with something resembling a matured attention span will take this in with a yawn, at best. At worst they’ll recognize it as a very cluttered, very expensive scrap heap. This isn’t a movie – it’s a compilation. And that’s not what we’re here for.

Bay seems to have a problem with sequels – Bad Boys II is somewhere on the list of Top 10 Worst Blockbusters ever. T2, meanwhile, finds itself near the bottom of our Summer Blockbuster Smackdown pigpile. Updated standings:

1. Star Trek
2. The Hangover
3. Up
4. Drag Me To Hell
5. The Taking of Pelham 123
6. Terminator Salvation
7. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
8. Angels & Demons
9. X-Men Origins: Wolverine

The Hangover

In 2003 Director Todd Phillips gave us Old School, a rip-roaringly funny insta-classic that also managed to kick-start a new era of man-child comedy. 2004 brought us Adam McKay’s Anchorman, 2005 Judd Apatow’s 40 Year Old Virgin, and every year since then someone from their new-wave comedy crew has continued the trend, laughing their way to millions of satisfied Box Office dollars. DVD shelves across America are filled with worn copies of their movies, and none will feature a more prominent place in the years to come than The Hangover, Phillips crowning achievement.
The concept behind this movie is so basic, so generic, it’s hard to believe that a.) the story isn’t already worn to the bone and, as a result, b.) there’s any more blood to be eked out of it. Phil (Wedding Crashers’ Bradley Cooper), Stu (The Office’s Ed Helms) and Alan (underground comedy sensation Zach Galifianakis) bring their buddy to Vegas for a bachelor party, proceed to get blackout drunk and wake up the next morning without him. Two days before the wedding, the groom is MIA, and the guys can’t remember a single thing that happened. What ensues as they retrace their steps in an effort to relocate him is the “what happened last night” kinda flick that you can find produced at almost every film school every year…and yet something completely and sincerely different.
Despite all its seemingly intrinsic misgivings, The Hangover feels fresh, unique and ironically memorable. This is one of those magical cinematic events where everything comes together. The script (by Ghosts of Girlfriends Past team Jon Lucas and Scott Moore) gets a lot of laughs and a lot of mileage out of “guys being guys” humor, yet never feels vulgar, and rarely even stumbles into toilet humor. They’ve managed to take something so uniquely male as a bachelor party and make it (close to) equally appealing to a female audience.
Their characters feel familiar yet not generic, largely because of the superb casting. Cooper is smugly charming, Helms sincerely dorky. But it’s Zach G. who steals the show with his oddball antics. He’s Phillips’ new Will Farrell, more eccentric, less leading-man. Together the three have an easy chemistry, a new generation of stooges you want to invite to every party.
It’s Phillips, however, that guides them and the script to comedy genius, and more than anything this is his movie. The Hangover is everything you want from a blockbuster laugher – accessible, appealing and non-stop funny. It’s a repeat viewer, and it’s threatening to top this year’s Summer Blockbuster Smackdown. Updated standings:

1. Star Trek
2. The Hangover
3. Up
4. Drag Me To Hell
5. Terminator Salvation
6. Angels & Demons
7. X-Men Origins: Wolverine